Exposing Romance Scams: In Conversation with Becky Holmes

August 28, 2024 by ThreatMark

Becky Holmes, author of Keanu Reeves Is Not In Love With You: The Murky World of Online Romance Fraud, is an expert on romance scams.

In our compelling interview, she reveals the deceitful strategies used by scammers and underscores the crucial role banks can play in preventing these frauds.

What inspired you to focus specifically on romance scams in your writing?

It all started when I joined Twitter and was messaged by several men with exactly the same story within days of making my account. Before this, I knew very little about romance fraud, but encountering these people firsthand really grabbed my attention. As I began Googling and researching, I realised how much these scams were being misrepresented in the media and how underreported they are.

It quickly turned into a passion project for me. The more victims I spoke to, the more I felt that people needed to understand the human side of these scams, beyond the sensationalized stories you often see in the media. It’s not always about a woman sending £50,000 to a young guy; so many cases involve men and women sending multiple gift cards or transferring Bitcoin.

Can you briefly explain how these scams typically unfold, especially the initial interaction?

A romance scam often starts online. There are some fraudsters who approach hundreds, if not thousands, of women. For example, they might like every female profile on a dating site or send the same message to hundreds of women on Twitter in one day. As soon as someone replies, they focus on that person.

These scams share commonalities in their profiles and stories. Scammers often pose as pilots, soldiers, oil rig workers, or doctors—professions that provide excuses for being away, unable to meet, and most importantly, unable to access their bank. They create backstories involving financial needs that tug on the heartstrings of their victims, such as school fees for a child or medical bills for elderly parents. There are commonalities between all of these scams if you look closely enough. Often, they request gift cards, small PayPal or bank transfers, or cryptocurrency, typically between £50 and £500 to start with, with the amounts becoming greater over time, eventually going into the thousands.

However, sometimes scams turn into something even bigger and more sophisticated. Pig butchering scams, a cross between romance and cryptocurrency fraud, see the fraudsters setting up fake trading platforms. They then target tech-savvy individuals with money to invest, grooming them to become traders on these supposed investment sites. This kind of fraud takes longer and the fraudster needs to have extremely advanced IT skills, but it can result in hundreds of thousands of pounds in profit. It’s the opposite of blanket targeting people. More time spent but greater reward.

Are there common psychological tactics used across various scams?

There are similarities between what romance fraud victims go through and what victims of domestic abuse experience. Scammers will isolate you from friends and family because they don’t want you telling anyone that you’re speaking to someone who is asking for money. They will gaslight you, making you think you’re unreasonable or crazy for asking questions. They will use silence as a punishment. If the victim doesn’t send money, the fraudster might go offline for a few days or even weeks, causing the victim to become extremely anxious, particularly if the scammer has told the victim they are a soldier in a war zone. When the scammer reappears, the victim is often so relieved and grateful that they’ll do anything, including sending money. The tactics revolve around coercive control, which is exactly what happens to a lot of people in abusive relationships.

How do fraudsters learn these tactics? Is there specific training involved?

It was shocking to learn that there are actual “scamming schools” where individuals are trained in the art of deception. Some people decide to enter the world of fraud independently, learning on the job. However, many are recruited by experienced fraudsters, functioning like a pyramid scheme where senior scammers take a cut of the junior scammers’ earnings, and it continues down the line.

They also share tips. In Nigeria, these fraudsters, known as Yahoo Boys, have online communities where they exchange tips and tactics, often for a nominal fee like $50. These groups, easily found on platforms like Facebook, teach each other how to exploit victims, referring to it with the awful term, “hunting for an old white.” It’s very much a learning experience and even a bonding exercise for these groups of young men. It’s something that very few of us can fully understand.

Is there a typical profile of someone who might be more susceptible to a scam?

I get asked this a lot, and the stereotype is a middle-aged woman who is single, lonely, and desperate. This is quite simply wrong. It’s equally 50:50 men and women, targeted in very different ways. Typically, although not always, women tend to be wooed by the promise of romance, while men are approached with the suggestion of some form of sexual gratification.

There’s also a perception that victims of romance fraud are desperately lonely, but that’s not the case. Most of the people I’ve spoken to have great social lives and jobs; they don’t just sit on their sofas watching daytime TV all day, which is what the media would have us believe.

The only common trait among these victims is their desire to help, aside from those who respond to sex adverts of course. I’m talking about people who send money because they think someone is widowed, in dire need, or in danger. It’s a kindness. Wanting to help someone is a great human trait, but in the context of romance fraud, it can be a significant weakness.

What are some red flags or warning signs that someone I know is a victim of a romance scam?

Their behavior will mirror some behaviors exhibited by those in abusive relationships. They may become distant, possibly a bit colder, and hide their phone conversations. They might talk about a partner who is a soldier or oil rig worker – someone they can’t meet or video call. It’s uncommon for victims to talk about sending money because the fraudster will have told them, “You mustn’t tell anybody because they won’t understand our relationship.” This is classic coercive control..

People often ask what to do if someone they know is in one of these fraudulent relationships. The problem is you can’t make someone fall out of love. You can express your concern, but you must be very careful because the person has essentially been groomed. The fraudster will have said, “Your friends aren’t going to like me.”

You can say, “I’m not sure about this relationship. I may be wrong, but I’m worried. If you need someone, I will be here.” It’s common for victims to feel embarrassed and drive their friends and family away. So it’s crucial to ensure that if someone in your life is in one of these relationships, they know they can talk to you without being judged and that you will always be there for them, regardless of the circumstances.

Are these scams evolving in any way?

The biggest change continues to be the technology they use. Deep fakes are a significant advancement for scammers as they can now send video messages and even video call using someone else’s face and voice. You don’t even need expensive software to create deep fakes; it can be done from a phone, making it affordable for the average scammer.

Do you think deep fakes will see more people become the victim of a scam?

Absolutely. I think deep fakes are terrifying. Even a year ago, someone could say, “I can’t speak to you because I’m away” or “I’m filming on set,” and it might raise some doubts. With deep fakes, that will no longer happen. One of my friends sent me a link to a video of Keanu Reeves talking as if he were talking to me, using my name and saying he loved me. It was his face, his voice. There were very slight glitches, but I knew what to look for. A fraudster could easily explain those away by saying there’s a bit of a dodgy connection. I dread to think how that’s going to affect the world of romance fraud because it won’t just be celebrities whose identities scammers use, but people from all professions.

In the past, the inability to video call was a red flag, but with deep fakes, this will obviously change. What other red flags might indicate a romance fraud, aside from asking for money?

The careers scammers choose are often a good red flag. Professions like soldiers or oil rig workers are commonly used in scams because they provide excuses for not meeting in person. When these careers are paired with suspicious stories, it’s a warning sign.

Scammers, particularly those from West Africa such as Nigeria and Ghana, often use two first names for their online identities, like John Derek or Peter Daniel. Additionally, if someone approaches you on Twitter or Instagram, check when their account was created. If it was made recently and is flooded with pictures or it has only a couple of photos, that’s a red flag.

Using reverse image search is also crucial. When the person you are speaking to sends you photographs of themself, put those images into Google reverse image or a programme such as Tin Eye to see where else they have been used.to see where else they have been used.

Having said that, unfortunately you can now AI-generate completely fake people who won’t show up in reverse image searches. So again, that’s technology working against us.

Another thing to bear in mind is that they will very quickly declare strong feelings for you and often ask you to move onto a different messaging platform such as WhatsApp or Google Chat. They cannot be kicked off these platforms like they can be from other social media or dating sites so they need to get you there as soon as possible.

What role do you think social media platforms and dating apps play in these scams happening?

It depends on the platform. Twitter is awful. For example, when he bought it, Elon Musk took away the blue tick feature for celebrities, so now you have to pay for it, which is a scammer’s dream. They can set up an account claiming to be someone like Keanu Reeves and pay for a blue tick. They can also buy followers, making the account look genuine. Twitter has a lot to answer for now. They do take down fraudulent accounts if people report them, but all the fraudster needs is another email address to set up a new one.

Instagram is similar; I get contacted by fraudsters just as much there as on Twitter. The dating sites are trying a lot more because scammers see them as an easier target since people on there are already looking for love. A lot of the larger sites now have fraud detection mechanisms, like flagging users who like hundreds of profiles a day, which is positive. I think dating sites are becoming more aware and are taking more responsibility but there is still an awfully long way to go.

The problem is that criminals are very sneaky, and they find ways around things quicker than social media companies can keep up.

As users of social media and the internet, what can we do when we are approached by a fraudster? Since blocking isn’t very effective, is there any other way to fight them?

If someone approaches you on Twitter or Instagram, the only real option is to report and block them. Obviously it’s not a long-term solution because they can create hundreds of new accounts, but it’s all we currently have.

If you interact with them, even just to call them out, you become a potential target. Your name can end up on what they call a “suckers list,” and your details are sold, much like marketing cold call lists. The more you interact, the more your name is sold on. For example, because I interact with these people all day every day, I get a constant stream of scammers. So I would advise to not even reply to say, “Scammer, I know what you’re doing.” Just report and block them.

What do you think banks and other payment service providers can do to better prevent romance scams?

One thing I’ve learned from speaking to romance fraud victims is that customer service plays a vital role in preventing these scams. There’s a story in my book about a lady who knew something was wrong but didn’t want to admit it. This is often the case; people have an inkling they’re being scammed but continue because they want to believe otherwise.

This particular lady wanted to transfer a significant amount of money to a Nigerian bank account for the second time. The bank representative asked if she knew the person she was sending money to, and she said yes because they had been talking for six months. For her, it felt like a real relationship so of course she believed that she did know him.

The bank representative just ticked the box and processed the transaction. The victim later told me that if the representative had asked her a different question, it might have made her reconsider, and she wouldn’t have sent the money. She wanted to be stopped.

Customer service is crucial. People want to speak to someone who understands them as a human, not just ticking boxes and sounding bored. Effective, empathetic communication can make a significant difference in preventing these scams.

In the scenario you just mentioned, was the victim aware at that time that the relationship was fraudulent?

She said that all the alarms were going off, and every red flag was in her head. But she was reluctant to stop the relationship because, even though she knew deep down it wasn’t real, this person had been in her life for six months, telling her he loved her. She also had cancer at the time, so she needed something to take her mind off what was happening elsewhere in her life. So yes, she knew, but she wasn’t prepared to face it and deal with the consequences quite yet.

At the Czech & Slovak Fraud Summit, some banks mentioned that even when they detect a scam, it’s often impossible to convince the victim that they have been conned. What would you advise from that perspective?

Banks need to remember that fraudsters groom their victims and prepare them for these situations. Scammers tell victims what the banks will ask and how to answer. This makes it challenging for banks to intervene.

In the UK, if a bank is fully aware of a scam and believes the victim to be vulnerable, they can call the local police to perform a face-to-face welfare check, and this should happen more often. However, banks don’t necessarily want to do that because they don’t want to lose customers who might feel accused and decide to switch banks. They need to balance customer care with maintaining their customer base.

Ultimately, it comes down to customer service. Banks should speak to victims in a way that makes them aware of the situation and possible consequences without making them feel judged. It’s essential to have staff specifically trained in this area, ensuring they have done everything possible to help the victim.

However, there’s obviously only so much banks can do to point out the flaws in what their customer is doing. People want to love and be loved, which is why romance fraud will never fully go away. No matter what measures are in place, people’s desire for connection will often override warnings.

How reliable is the data we have on romance fraud? Or in other words, how many cases of romance fraud go unreported?

The stats that come out around romance fraud make me livid every time. The reported figures barely scratch the surface of the true extent of the problem; it’s estimated that not even 10% of cases are reported. People often don’t report it because of the shame, because of the embarrassment, because as a society we lack dedicated, funded support for victims of romance fraud.

In the UK, the primary agency for reporting romance fraud is Action Fraud, which is, in my view, currently not fit for purpose and not equipped to handle the scale of these crimes. As a result, people have started to believe that reporting it is pointless.

With recent shifts in UK regulations making banks equally responsible for reimbursing victims, do you think this is the right approach?

I can see how it would be effective if a UK bank is transferring money to another UK bank. The problem is that a lot of romance fraud is out of UK jurisdiction, so I don’t know the protocol there. For example, if the money is sent to a bank in Ghana, I can’t imagine the bank in Ghana would pay 50%.

While the regulation could work for many types of fraud, romance fraud is more complicated. It’s often left behind because it is so underreported. Banks don’t see the full extent of it and therefore consider it less of a financial risk compared to other types of fraud.

What was the most surprising or unexpected thing you found in your research on romance scams?

I think just how organised it is. Before I started all of this, like many people, I thought it was just individuals sitting in their bedrooms carrying out these scams. I didn’t realise what a massive business it is and how some of the practices are so abhorrent. It’s linked to human trafficking, gun crime, gangs, prostitution, and drugs. It’s not just a few lone wolves; it’s indescribably big.

If you were talking to someone who had been the victim of romance fraud, what practical advice would you give them to recover?

If you have been the victim of a romance fraud, it can be very tempting not to report it and just think, “Oh God, I’m just going to wipe that from my memory.” However, I urge you to report it. While Action Fraud or others may not be fit for purpose, reporting it adds to the statistics, helping to highlight just how widespread this crime is.

I would also strongly advise people to share what has happened with the family or friends that they trust – the support around you can be invaluable. There are also organisations you can turn to for help. A friend of mine has set up a nonprofit organisation called LoveSaid, which supports victims of romance fraud. It’s also important to inform your bank about what has happened. The bank should not judge you but thank you for your honesty.

If you have been a victim, remember that you are not to blame and this is no reflection on you at all. This is a serious crime that affects tens of thousands of people, if not more. It’s not a weakness or a sign of unintelligence; it’s a sign of being human.

What practical advice would you give to people looking to avoid romance fraud?

If you start a new relationship or regularly speak to someone online, one important step is to share your journey. Tell your friends or family that you have met somebody. There’s no reason to keep a relationship secret, and nobody should tell you to do so. An outside perspective is valuable and should always be welcome.

Don’t stop believing in love or that you can meet someone genuine. We live in a time with some unscrupulous people around, and sometimes you need more than one person to spot that. But in the same breath, not everyone is a scammer. It’s about being vigilant and aware while going about your life.

Just like we insure our homes and cars and put on seat belts, we should take precautions online. Not because we are expecting to be in a crash, not because we don’t trust our own driving, but because we don’t fully trust others. Modern-day dating is the same. Protect yourself, just in case.